EUNUCH MIDGET BUTLER AND ARROW CADDY TO THE AMAZON PRINCESS WHO WEARS ONLY A LOOSELY TIED LOINCLOTH SAYS, “EXCELLENT SHOT, YOUR MAJESTY. A DIRECT HIT IN THE EYE. I HAVE COLLECTED THE MONSTER’S BLOOD AS YOU INSTRUCTED. YOUR GOBLET IS READY AT YOUR LEISURE.”
AMAZON PRINCESS WHO WEARS ONLY A LOOSELY TIED LOINCLOTH SAYS, “WHY ARE THERE NEVER ANY MEN AROUND WHEN I KILL A RAMPAGING BEAST WITH A SINGLE SHOT? WHEN I VENTURE INTO THE CITY, THE VERMIN ARE EVERYWHERE, OGLING AND WHISPERING. I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU, MY LOYAL EUNUCH MIDGET BUTLER. BRING ME THE GOBLET. I AM THIRSTY NOW.”
I think I might be the only person in the world who not only doesn’t fucking understand Animal Crossing, but also doesn’t give a dog’s shit about a new Kingdom Hearts.
Solidarity, my brother.
17th Century Demonic Automaton
The ‘chained slave’ possibly designed and built by the scientific instrument maker and collector Manfredo Settala, took the form of a grotesque painted wooden devil, whose mechanism was activated by the weight of a footfall of unsuspecting visitors to Settala’s collections. The creature was capable of emitting terrifying shrieks while its eyes, tongue, and head jerked to mechanical life.
(From “Engines of the Imagination: Renaissance Culture and the Rise of the Machine” by Jonathan Sawday)
GASTONBERRY THE GIANT WHOSE MOTHER TELLS HIM HE’S SPECIAL SAYS, “EXCUSE ME, MA’AM? MA’AM? WHERE’D YOU GO TO? YOU HIT ME IN MY TOE AND YOU NEED TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY CAUSE THAT HURT A LOT.”
pew pew motherfuckers
is this a good enough reason to buy a video game?
that’s an awfully nice first boss.
The Metal Slug games do have the best bosses. I mean look at this thing, unless I’m mistaken it’s a giant mutant hermit crab that’s wearing a giant tank for it’s shell. That’s awesome!
Just got inspiration for a monster!
The PCs got the Eye of Agamoto (the loot from DFD), and return it to the dragon who sent them to get it. The valley is full of undead, zombies, and ghouls and Pembrooktonshire is a sitting duck.
They return the Eye to the dragon (Agamoto) who pops it into his empty socket. “Ahh! It’s been a long time! Now, about that wish.”
PCs look at each other questioningly. The Halfling quickly asks, “Um… you said something about a wish?”
Agamoto’s eye’s widen, “Oh! Uh no… no you must have misheard me. Thanks for visiting, now it’s time to go.”
The Fighter chimes in, “Hold on, you definitely said we get a wish. Now what should we wish for? I could use some better armor…”
The Specialist cuts him off, “Let’s make him let us ride on his back!”
The Magic-User quitely says, “I like magic…”
The GM sighs to himself.
What if the 4th edition Manticore’s unlimited amount of regrowing iron tail spikes it can flick at people with “deadly precision,” is also the way it reproduces?
Manticores are always apparently male. This makes me think that female manticores must exist, but people either have never seen them (unlikely) or the females are classified as a separate species. Maybe manticores females are so rare, that many manticores haven’t even seen them.
The spikes continuously regrow in a rather rapid span of time. Kinda like sperm. The manticore’s spikes are not sperm though; they are literally iron spikes. They need to be thrown at things so there isn’t some sort of iron build-up into its body. Throwing spikes isn’t like a climax or masturbation; it’s to avoid physical pain and sickness, because they can’t find a mate.
I imagine the lairs of lonely and bored manticores have walls and ceilings and floors covered with spikes that it’s had to shoot to avoid some sort of toxic feedback.
This is why manticores are so cranky.
“Human facade but transparently monstrous, attacks without motive, never gets laid, irritable, bearded, digestion problem, just fighting you to annoy you, toxic, elitist, always male. Also, I bet, pretty eager to tell you about his FATE hack.”
THE GOD OF ALL WIZARDS SAYS, “NO, NECROSKULL, GODDAMMIT, I’LL ORDER THE PIZZAS. YOU ALWAYS GET PINEAPPLE AND OTHER WEIRD SHIT AND IT’S NASTY.”
NECROSKULL THE LORD OF NECROMANCY SAYS, “FINE. BUT MAKE SURE IT’S THIN CRUST. THAT STUFFED CRUST CHEESE CACA ALWAYS PLUGS ME UP.”
I like images that instantly make me come up with several different adventure hooks for different systems and game worlds. This is one such image. Brilliant!